What do you do when you have rich friends?
I’m doing my time at the cab company this morning and surfing the ‘Net (yes, I know this job is tough). As I was scanning my beloved MSN, this headline jumped out at me “My Friend Thinks I’m A Freeloader.” And because I do love a good dramatic story, I clicked on the link.
Here’s the scenario … the writer of this tale has a lot of debt and not a lot of savings, so he scrimps and he saves to make ends meet and the only way he ends up going out is if one of his friends offers to pick up the tab. He was totally clueless until a friend of his for about 20 years or so went off on him one day. She has more money than he does, a larger house, etc., and every time he comes over he goes directly to the fridge. So she told him that she was tired of him being a mooch and now he’s angry, embarrassed and remorseful.
The letter that this fellow wrote for advice was very interesting, because his remorse was genuine but so was his sense of entitlement. My friends make more money than I do, ergo I can raid their refrigerators whenever I come over because they have more food than I do? (Note to self: Apologize to all friends who stock more beer in their fridge than I do. I have a feeling that I’ve pillaged many a Fridgadaire.)
But what do you do when your social circle is comprised of people who make more money than you do? In a world where “keeping up with the Joneses” could be an Olympic sport, how do you balance being thrifty when your friends want to go out every weekend?
This topic intrigues me because I remember some of the disparities that I felt in college with some of the people in my social circle. There was my friend Elle who’s father made his millions in the phone book trade and was able to retire at the age of 50. But what was awesome about her was that she would make the best homemade items for her friends’ Christmas and birthday gifts. I remember helping another friend’s mom get ready for a garage sale. She asked me if I thought $5 was too much for a shirt and I nearly choked – but that was the kind of neighborhood that my friend lived in – far, far away from the garage sales of my hometown where shirts went for pocket change.
These days I’m still aware of the disparities between my friends and I, but since I’m older, I really don’t care. Going out to restaurants has been replaced by going to our respective houses – someone cooks the main dish while someone else brings dessert or the beer. And that’s been easier on all of our pocketbooks. If I’m in a situation where I’ve forgotten my wallet or are short of cash, Raul knows I’m good to pick up the next lunch to pay him back.
Anyone else in a similar situation where their friends are wealthier? What do you do?
Posted: December 13th, 2008 under Everyday Living, Where My Money Goes.
Comments: 3
Comments
Comment from whitestripe
Time: December 13, 2008, 1:40 pm
BF and I have a friend who will take beer from our fridge, forget his wallet etc and then offer to pick up the tab the next time. trouble is that he never does. so in our friend circle we have a general rule that we split everything. and if someone forgets their wallet, they transfer the money into the bank accounts of the people that pay for them.
while it probably seems stingy or tight, a few of our friends have mortgages, a couple have kids, and most are saving for houses or some are unemployed. we all have our reasons for saving money, as does everyone in the world of course. and everything is just so much easier if we all pay our own way, then we don’t have to worry about who pays next or who paid the most.
Comment from Michelle
Time: December 13, 2008, 3:51 pm
Wow – that’s a really cool system. But you’re right – everyone has some sort of financial commitment and it doesn’t matter if you’re Daddy Warbucks or Joe Schmo – you gotta pay your way! 
Comment from Melanie
Time: December 15, 2008, 5:13 am
I have a relative that drives me crazy, go figure! Anyway I’ve seen her spread her nonexistant wealth when we go out buying several rounds of drinks for friends. Last week she told me that she easily spent $100 buying drinks for friends one night. In the next breath, she told me that she needed to get a loan to pay for Christmas and that she was going to be late paying a few bills.
I don’t understand the mentality here! In one breath she talks about buying her son “guitar hero” for his birthday and how she spent an additional $200 on bowling/pizza party for him and his friends. She also had another party for relatives at her house, and then its followed up with news of a disconnect notice on her family’s electricity. The kid is only 9 years old, does he need 2 birthday parties? Does he need an expensive gift?
When I go out I try to keep my tab under $20, and although my family isn’t behind on bills or loan payments, I still think of my family as struggling. I probaly spend about $40 on a birthday present for my kids, and we don’t have a party. I can’t wait until the day I can say we are debt free and I work for fun and extras!
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