There’s this guy I know – I’m gonna call him Jake. Jake is a nice fella, comes from a decent family that has money, but Jake is kind of a ne’er-do-well when it comes to his life. He has a kid out of wedlock, he’s started and stopped college more times than I can count and he’s not making a whole hell of a lot of money in the job he’s currently working in.
Well, rumor has it that Jake’s going to propose to the mother of his daughter soon and is in the process of looking for engagement rings.
“So what are you thinking?” I asked the other day.
“Well, she sent me a couple of rings that she really liked,” he replied, telling me about the three choices she had sent him as a lark. (Supposedly she has told him that she’s convinced he’s never going to propose … I’d say something about dysfunction, but I also thought I was going to be living in sin with Future Husband forever until he popped the question.)
“And?” I prompted.
“Well, there’s one that she likes that’s $800,” he said. “But I’ve got to be honest. It’s an engagement ring, I think anything less than $1,000 is really cheap.” While I tried to scrape my jaw off the floor, he then followed up with this stunning moment of logic. “I think a ring should be the equivalent of two months of a guy’s salary.”
First and foremost – where does this “two months” equation come from? I’ve heard something similar from a guy I dated a long time ago, but if FH would have spent that much on my engagement ring, I think I would have hurt him for squandering that kind of cash when we desperately want laminate flooring.
Jake must have noticed the look I was giving him. “Things are kind of tight right now and my credit’s not too good. So I’m going to ask my dad if he can help.” Basically Jake is going to go ask if daddy will help him secure a line of credit from some jeweler at our local mall.
One of the reasons that I’m willing to write this blog is because I’ve made a ton of mistakes in my life when it comes to how I’ve managed my finances (and basically squandered about a decade’s worth of money.). I can live with my idiocity because I’m on the “road to recovery,” whatever that means, and because I honestly do hope that people will learn from my mistakes.
I haven’t said much more to Jake yet about the whole thing. But I really want to bring him aside and explain to him that an $800 ring is perfectly fine and it’s the sentiment that counts, not the size of the diamond. But most importantly, it’s easier to pay off $800 than it is $1,200 or $2,000. And it’s more important to ensure that your family – especially your nine-month-old daughter – is living comfortably. But I’m on the fence and I don’t know that Jake’s going to hear what I have to say …
I think my engagement ring was $150. My spouse was making $800/month. I would have smacked him if he had spent more! & I still proudly wear it to this day (like 15 years later?)
My ring cost my husband $85.oo. Yes! Isn’t that a cheap one…that is all he could afford and I Love it!
I will be married 18 years this month.
I did a little research after reading this, and it appears DeBeers first invented the “engagement rings must be diamonds” rule in the 30s or 40s, and also invented the two-months’ salary rule (which they have more recently bumped up to three months, conveniently enough). Let your friend know that he’s just following a hollow marketing tactic if he sticks to that rule (the hollow marketing tactic of a company with some really serious human-rights infractions to their name).
Tell your friend ANY amount is too much to spend if he needs to take out a loan to get it. If the girl loves and wants to marry him, she shouldn’t care what the ring looks like or costs (or if there even is a ring).
The two months salary rule was invented by the same people that invented all these Hallmark holidays – to make money! I had a friend Sara in college whose boyfriend proposed to her, and, upon finding out how much engagement rings cost, told him to spend the $1000 on a really nice TV instead, that they could both use (I think Sara was awesome for many reasons including that one). Now, I don’t mean that people should stop getting engagement rings, but practicality MUST be factored in somewhere – I personally think it’s very romantic for someone to be sensible about money and not go overboard
Yes – he must be practical! I have a beautiful engagement ring that cost, well…let’s just say more than 1,000…I don’t wear it now because I’m afraid something will happen to it. Also – it’s heavy and keeps turning on my finger. I wear my wedding band instead. If I could go back and do it differently, I would in a SECOND!
My ring cost less than $500 (on sale!), and his ring was a $40 titanium beauty from Walmart. It looks exactly the same as his brother’s, who paid $400 for his!
Hah, ceejay74 beat me to it – the 2 months’ salary guideline came out in a commercial a few decades ago, and most people bought into it. I’m totally with him/her on DeBeers. For the last few years they’ve been pushing that replacement 10-diamond wedding band for the 10th anniversary, and the 3-diamond pendant that they decided signifies “past, present, future”.
My sister’s fiance gave her a $10K budget, which I reckon is in line with the two-month rule. She’s not a fan of bling and chose one that came in a little under $6K. And this guy is a total cheapskate in every other way. Not sure what to make of that. Me…I’m divorced, but I opted for no engagement ring because I hate wearing rings, so it was totally not worth going into short-term debt for.
You guys are awesome! Thanks for the comments. I admit that I have a very lovely engagement ring, but Future Husband was able to pay cash for it. And it was on sale. But if we were in a different financial situation, I would be perfectly happy with something else, something smaller – whatever our situation dictated.