And no … I’m not talking about my daily grooming necessity of attempting to drown myself until I’m somewhat coherent in the morning.
I’m getting married in April and I brought up the idea of a bridal shower at around Thanksgiving. My mom gave me a look.
“What?” I said.
“Well, honey, it’s just that you’re so unconventional, I didn’t think you’d want a bridal shower,” was my wedding planner/mom’s response.
I’ve been somewhat delirious as of late due to the amounts of generic NyQuil I take before bed to help me sleep through phlegm-induced bouts of coughing, but I woke up from a doze last night with a crystal-clear thought running through my head: “Do I need to have a bridal shower? Hell, scratch that thought – should I have a bridal shower?”
Here’s my thinking: Bridal showers had a purpose back in the day. I’m going to make some pretty broad paint strokes here, but when my mom was married, she was 18 years old and got married the week after she graduated from high school. She literally moved from her parents’ house to the apartment that she and my father shared right after they got married. A bridal shower was necessary to acquire the kind of things that one needs to set up a household.
I’m 30 years old. I moved from my parents’ home to a dorm and from a dorm to my first home straight out of college. That was nine years ago. Nine years is a long time to acquire the kind of stuff a person needs to set up a household. So no, if that’s the purpose of a bridal shower – to help a person set up their household with meaningful gifts – I do not need to have a bridal shower.
So let’s take this a step further … do Future Husband and I really need to register for gifts at all?
Don’t get me wrong – I really want new pots and pans that actually match. I’d love to have dishes other than the Corelle wear that FH and I brought into our relationship, but really … we’re in our 30s. We’ve lived together for more than a year now. Do we really need people to bring gifts to our wedding or is this just another weird ritual that Americans have devised to acquire more things?
I’m not opposed to a bridal shower – but what I think I really want is for the guests to bring me a copy of their favorite recipe and considering my love of cooking that would be the greatest gift anyone could give me. I’d rather just soak in the fellowship of being with my friends and family and not have to open gifts in front of people.
What’s the consensus of you all out there?
I absolutely LOVE IT that you are thinking this through instead of just doing the knee-jerk reaction and having the bridal shower. Bridal showers and baby showers, and the abhorrent registries, of which i’ve attended many, just seem to me to be yet another symtptom of our consumer-driven, materialistic society and our fervor to accumulate “stuff.” Asking everyone to bring no gifts except a favorite recipe, or something like that, i think is a wonderful idea. It’s people, friends and family, after all, that are most important and by doing this you’d be setting a wonderful example.
Well, the first thing that pops in to my head is that (unless the rules of etiquette have changed) the bride-to-be does not get to decide to have a bridal shower. Someone has to offer to host one for her, and the hostess gets to decide what to do at the shower. Maybe things have changed, but if they have changed so much that the bride-to-be gets to dictate how someone else offers the hospitality of their home, then no wonder the term “Bridezilla” came to be.
Having said that, I think your idea of what a bridal shower IS (soaking in the fellowship of friends and family) is spot-on.
At my shower (when I was 28 … so, ages ago), people brought modest gifts. The best gift was that my aunt asked everyone to write their marriage advice to me on a piece of paper, and she put those pieces of paper together in to a little album for me. That shower really was more about a group of women getting together to offer me their support, rather than a gift orgy. It was a really uplifting experience that I treasure to this day.
Your idea of bringing recipes is a good one, and if someone offers to host a shower for you and asks for your input, then suggesting that would be great.
As far as wedding gifts some couples request that in lieu of gifts people donate to their favorite charity, which I think is fantastic.
scfr – No the rules of etiquette haven’t changed – it’s up to someone to offer to host a shower and basically, my mom, my maid of honor and my aunt are going to be holding the shower. I am being a bit of a Bridezilla though because I’m afraid that it’s going to be a last minute thing and I need enough time to get a weekend off of my part-time job.
Fern – Thanks for the comment.
Yeah, Bridal Showers annoy me. That’s just my gut reaction. I didn’t have one; wasn’t interested in the least. Just something I never *got.*
My SIL on the other hand went all out. Her wedding was like a year-long affair of parties and gifts. Engagement party, bridal shower, bachelorette party, on and on and on. I don’t think we could have been more extreme from each other – hehe. But yeah, I don’t remember having much fun. I just remember spending a LOT of money for her wedding.
Register for gifts – yes (although if you don’t you’ll just get a bunch of gift cards, so maybe not all bad).
Bridal shower – I don’t care, I’m more concerned with the bachelorette party